Memories of a Friend

Do you have a friend that every time you think of them, you laugh as fond memories dance in your head?  I do.  Two weeks ago, my friend, Kirk, passed away from a year-long battle with liver cancer.  He was 73, but before his illness, you would never have guessed he was that age because he didn’t act like it.  He fought the good fight, but cancer took its toll in the end, as it does with so many of our loved ones.

I met Kirk, his wife Diana, and their family at our church in Colorado.  Helping with the youth, I was asked to be a confirmation mentor to his daughter, Sara, when she was a freshman in high school.  The high school years are often a tough time for teens, so the confirmation program asks adults to be their mentors, available when they need to talk to someone, have questions about their faith, and bond with them.

Our congregation in Denver had an adult group called WRENS (Working Religious Empty Nesters), who periodically gathered to do fun events, such as bowling, potlucks, and Superbowl parties.  In 2009, my husband and I hosted a Halloween costume party.  As each couple arrived, our laughs reached new decibels as the costumes got more creative.  But the best costume that evening was Kirk’s.  He dressed as a nerd.  His jacket and pants were two different plaids, an animal print bowtie, white socks showing, his glasses were held together with first aid tape, he had a breathe right strip on his nose, his zipper was down showing his whitey tidies,  pencil holder in the pocket of his shirt had a screwdriver, comb, toothbrush, he had a small flashlight hanging from his belt loop, inside the jacket he had another pencil holder, in the name badge holder is one of his children’s baby pictures.  I laughed for days seeing Kirk, and he played the part so well. Please see the attached picture of Kirk and Diana.

Deeply saddened to hear of Kirk’s passing, I am grieving more for his loving family.  I know the hole they have in their hearts without Kirk there will be hard to fill.

I bring up this story to remind each of us how precious life is.  It can be as quick as Here Today, Gone Tomorrow.  When I heard of Kirk’s diagnosis of liver cancer, it brought back memories of my breast cancer diagnosis in 2020.  Our thoughts want to jump right to terminal illness, but with the research being conducted, it’s not always a death sentence.  I was one of the fortunate people.  I was faithful to annual mammograms and well-woman exams.  I also began participating in the 3D Imaging Scan as soon as it was available.  I am a strong proponent as it was because of this scan that they were able to find my cancer early and remove it.

I understand the older we become, the more our friends and family will be diagnosed with life-threatening, sometimes debilitating diseases and ailments.  It’s by no means easy to hear these words relayed by our doctors, let alone repeating them to our loved ones.  We need to try to stay positive and open to new treatments and medications so that we might benefit from them.

Reading many articles on various diseases, especially cancer, helps me realize that we need to live each day as if it was our last day on this earth because we don’t know if it is.  Tell your friends and family you love them whenever possible.  Hug them and cherish those moments you spend together.  Laugh, laugh, laugh.  Sometimes those are the memories you will hold dear and never forget.

There are five stages of grief, (1) denial, (2) anger, (3) bargaining, (4) depression, and (5) acceptance.  We all go through most of these steps, but individually, we deal with them differently.

If you happen to be struggling with an illness or someone you care for, and you need help or to talk to someone, check out these websites for more information.

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/tx/katy?category=grief
• https://prosperitycounseling.org/grief-bereavement-counseling/
• https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/grief

Everyone, please take care of yourselves.  Make healthy decisions and love on those loved ones.

All my best,

Julie