The death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. Death is often sudden and catches us off guard. Does it make the grieving process more painful? How do you handle it?
Recently, I lost a dear friend from church who turned ninety-six last December. She had recently fallen and broken her leg, requiring surgery, and then passed away in the midst of rehab. I also lost a cousin whom I rarely got to see. My cousin lived in another state; his father was about fifteen years older than my mother, his youngest sibling. So, he was gone from home before my mom was two years old. They grew up in different households.
My uncle then moved to Utah, married, and had six children. He was a busy rancher and, therefore, unable to get back to see his mother and two younger sisters often, one of whom was my mother. After high school graduation, my mother moved to Denver, finding the love of her life and marrying my dad, the cartographer. Moving two to three times per year didn’t allow much time to travel to another state to visit family.
But I loved this cousin, David. He was one of the most positive people I have known and always had a big smile and encouraging words. He came to watch my daughter play softball at a 4th of July tournament in Salt Lake City and offered to buy us dinner, so we had more time to catch up. I will never forget his kindness and love for the Lord.
Losing family members always seems to be too soon. David’s sister said he would contact his five siblings and share news with the others. He will be missed, but the world is better from his presence.
It is important to grieve and understand that you are not alone. Many of us like to suffer alone, while others, like me, need the support of their family and friends when going through this process.
During one of my Sunday School classes in the 1980s, we had a deacon in our church teach a class on the grieving process – from beginning to end. Very much an eye-opener; I now understand that this process is individual. We all travel through the grief cycle at different times and ways. Grief affects our minds, bodies, hearts, social systems, and communities.
There are five stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
You do not have to go through all stages or any at all. But many of us seem to visit these stages when illness or tragedy knocks on our door.
Grief can also involve physical problems, not always emotional, including:
- Fatigue
- Lower immunity
- Weight loss or gain
- Aches and pains
- Nausea
- Insomnia
If you have severe emotional or physical problems, please get in touch with a local agency to get help, or check out one of these websites for more guidance.
- https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief
- https://www.mhanational.org/bereavement-and-grief
- https://www.cancer.org/treatment/end-of-life-care/grief-and-loss/depression-and-complicated-grief.html
- https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a36076680/coping-loss-of-loved-one/
I wish you a peaceful week and remind you to contact your loved ones. There is no guarantee we will be here tomorrow.
All my best,
Julie
Throw Kindness Around Like Confetti
Thank you for this lovely post. It brought to mind other forms of grief as well. Grief may not come only from a physical death, but perhaps a loss due to separation from a loved one, by necessity or choice, or a mental illness. It’s good to be aware of the complexities and stages as you described, reminding us to be open to giving or receiving help when it is needed.