Moving around so much during my childhood (27 different schools in nine states), we spent many holidays and special occasions with only immediate family – dad, mom, my younger sister, and me. I found it lonely, but it was all I knew.
Then, several years ago, I had a wonderful counselor who told me that family didn’t have to be blood relatives. I was an adult, and I could make whomever I wanted to be my family. As an adult, one of the pluses is that we can choose who we call family, who we spend special occasions with, and who we love. Because sometimes family doesn’t like us, want to get along or spend time with us.
Unfortunately, my family turned into one of those. Narcissism and self-centeredness flowed down from generation to generation. Jealousy and resentment were felt whenever we gathered. No matter how hard I tried, I was not going to change the feelings toward me. It splintered inside me for the longest time. I finally realized that you can’t make someone love you. Even if you’re a blood relative, you can’t coax them, buy them, or treat them enough to dull their resentment.
I can only speak for my father’s generation and mine. I didn’t notice it when I was younger, but as teenagers and young adults, you start to pick up on the slight innuendos from each other, the body language, or snide remarks. You feel like you might have said something wrong. You ask if you did something, and of course, it’s the same response, “no.” There was also a thing called “no confrontation. “ My family had mastered that. Don’t bring up any issues; maybe it will just disappear. I always wished to be like many of my friends’ families who loved each other, had fun during gatherings, and never had a foul word to utter about another family member. I loved sharing in their get-togethers. But it wasn’t enough.
Thankfully, over the years, I developed close relationships with friends – people who have been constant in my life. I love them dearly and will forever call them my family.
With the holidays quickly approaching, this time of year can be challenging for some and lonely for others.
In my research, I found that the notion that “more suicides happen during holidays” is a total myth. But many suffer from depression and loneliness during this time of year. I’ve included a link to a suicide prevention hotline. If you are one such person – suffering from depression, feeling there’s no way out, please contact those who are there to help you.
Canada has implemented a 9-8-8 emergency line for mental illness, hopelessness and helplessness, substance abuse, and anxiety. I’ve included the link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/202109/9-8-8-direct-line-mental-health-crisis-response.
For immediate help in the U.S., 24/7: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK. Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country.
I’ve dealt with issues of depression in my family. Finding the right counselor is essential. Our counselor, who has now passed away, was a lifesaver to us. An important message is that many teenagers suffer from changing hormones, teasing or bullying from their peers, sexual or mental abuse, or being excluded from a group.
In Psychology Today, they noted that there is NOT one single cause for suicide. Suicide is a tragedy. What is often forgotten is that numerous people are affected by suicide. Not just the person doing the act. There are many obstacles each of us must deal with daily. But if we’re suffering from depression, etc., those obstacles can seem monstrous and impossible to conquer.
My door is always open for anyone who needs someone to talk to, vent, or have a cheerful voice. Always reach out to someone you feel might be an option to help you.
All my best,
Julie
Throw Kindness Around Like Confetti!